Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Disappointment
Rod wasn't able to make it up for the weekend. There was a horrible storm there on Friday afternoon and his flight was canceled. I feel bad, but I was so upset that I had him running all over the airport trying to get another flight. He was going to fly out the next morning, but we decided just to wait until Thanksgiving weekend. That gives me more time, we were going to come back here for Thanksgiving anyway, and I really don't think I was ready to go back with him yet regardless. But I was more bummed than anything that I wouldn't be able to see him. I miss him so badly, and I hate that he's missing me and going through all of this while also starting a new career. I love and appreciate him even more for making it through this with me, though.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Smart-A Answers
#6
It was mealtime during a flight. "What would you like for dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in the front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.
#5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
#4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough to fit her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No, ma'am, they're dead."
#3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
#2
A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign came up that read, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knew it, the bridge was right in front of him and he got stuck under it. Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car came up. The cop got out of his car and walked to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
#1
The college teacher reminded her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a serious personal injury or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-a guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class was reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
It was mealtime during a flight. "What would you like for dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in the front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.
#5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
#4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough to fit her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No, ma'am, they're dead."
#3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
#2
A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign came up that read, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knew it, the bridge was right in front of him and he got stuck under it. Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car came up. The cop got out of his car and walked to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
#1
The college teacher reminded her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a serious personal injury or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-a guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class was reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Things I should remember
Journey to the Heart by Melanie Beattie
"You don't have to do anything about your feelings. Understand that. Believe that. They are only feelings. Emotional energy is important. It is important not to block it, stop it, deny it, or repress it. It's important to discharge it, to value it, but you don't have to do anything. You don't have to act on every feeling. You don't need to control every emotion or let your emotions control you. Doing something is the old way, the way of control. Simply feel whatever you need to feel. Become fully and completely conscious of what you feel. Take responsibility for the way you choose to express your feelings, then let your feelings go. Release your emotional energy.
The answer isn't in your head, it's in your heart. It's not outside you, although sometimes we receive guidance from others. The answer you're seeking, the guidance you're looking for needs to feel right to you. It needs to resignate with your heart. Your heart is the center, the balance point for your emotions, your intellect, and your soul. Your heart is safe.
Your security doesn't come from trusting others. Your security comes from trusting and cherishing your own heart. Don't let life shut you down. Open your heart as often as you need.
Once you accept yourself unconditionally, you'll be surprised at how comfortable you begin to feel, no matter where you are. We may have tricked ourselves into thinking our security came from outside ourselves; that we needed certain other people or places, needed certain objects or items around us, or had to live our lives in a particular way to feel secure. But relying on things and people outside ourselves provides a false sense of security. False security will be shown for what it is. There's a real security, a true safety available to us all, no matter who we are, where we are or what we're doing. That security comes from accepting ourselves. That security comes from trusting ourselves, trusting our hearts, our wisdom, our connection to the divine and to the universe around us. Once we accept ourselves unconditionally, no matter where we are, it will feel like home.
"You don't have to do anything about your feelings. Understand that. Believe that. They are only feelings. Emotional energy is important. It is important not to block it, stop it, deny it, or repress it. It's important to discharge it, to value it, but you don't have to do anything. You don't have to act on every feeling. You don't need to control every emotion or let your emotions control you. Doing something is the old way, the way of control. Simply feel whatever you need to feel. Become fully and completely conscious of what you feel. Take responsibility for the way you choose to express your feelings, then let your feelings go. Release your emotional energy.
The answer isn't in your head, it's in your heart. It's not outside you, although sometimes we receive guidance from others. The answer you're seeking, the guidance you're looking for needs to feel right to you. It needs to resignate with your heart. Your heart is the center, the balance point for your emotions, your intellect, and your soul. Your heart is safe.
Your security doesn't come from trusting others. Your security comes from trusting and cherishing your own heart. Don't let life shut you down. Open your heart as often as you need.
Once you accept yourself unconditionally, you'll be surprised at how comfortable you begin to feel, no matter where you are. We may have tricked ourselves into thinking our security came from outside ourselves; that we needed certain other people or places, needed certain objects or items around us, or had to live our lives in a particular way to feel secure. But relying on things and people outside ourselves provides a false sense of security. False security will be shown for what it is. There's a real security, a true safety available to us all, no matter who we are, where we are or what we're doing. That security comes from accepting ourselves. That security comes from trusting ourselves, trusting our hearts, our wisdom, our connection to the divine and to the universe around us. Once we accept ourselves unconditionally, no matter where we are, it will feel like home.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
God vs. Science
I read this bulletin Kaley posted and it really interested me. I don't necessarily know what I believe 100%, but I've begun to want to believe SOMETHING... I think it helps people get through life mentally and spiritually... and below is a really interesting argument. I didn't realize that evolution is not a completely proven concept until I read this and then asked my dad (who has a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology and a Master's degree in Environmental Science), it's simply a very well-organized theory with serious but not complete evidence. I do believe it, but at the same time, I want to believe in more spiritual things to set me at ease with all these feelings that I have to control myself and my life... if that makes any sense. I think it's time for me to start going to church again since I haven't been in years. Anyone know of a good one, or have any advice on where/how I should start off? I want one that isn't too demanding in their beliefs, and that is comfortable and interesting. Let me know! xo
A science professor begins his school year with a lecture to the students, "Let me explain the problem science has with religion." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.
"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
"Yes, sir," the student says.
"So you believe in God?"
"Absolutely."
"Is God good?"
"Sure! God's good."
"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"
"Yes."
"Are you good or evil?"
"The Bible says I'm evil."
The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?"
"Yes sir, I would."
"So you're good...!"
"I wouldn't say that."
"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't."
The student does not answer, so the professor continues. "He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmm? Can you answer that one?"
The student remains silent.
"No, you can't, can you?" the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.
"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"
"Er...yes," the student says.
"Is Satan good?"
The student doesn't hesitate on this one. "No."
"Then where does Satan come from?"
The student falters. "From God."
"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"
"Yes."
"So who created evil?" the professor continued. "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."
Again, the student has no answer. "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in the world?"
The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."
"So who created them?"
The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. "Who created them?" There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues to another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"
The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor, I do."
The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you seen Jesus?"
"No, sir. I've never seen him."
"Then tell us if you've never heard your Jesus?"
"No, sir, I have not."
"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelled your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?"
"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."
"Yet you still believe in him?"
"Yes."
"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstratable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"
"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."
"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."
The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. "Professor, is there such a thing as heat?"
"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."
"And is there such a thing as cold?"
"Yes, son, there's cold too."
"No, sir, there isn't."
The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold.' We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees.
Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 degrees Fahrenheit) is the total absense of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we used to describe the absense of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absense of it."
Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.
"What about darkness, professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?"
"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?"
"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absense of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word.
In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darness darker, wouldn't you?"
The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. "So what point are you making, young man?"
"Professor, my point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."
The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. "Flawed? Can you explain how?"
"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought."
"It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of the life, just the absense of it.
Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"
"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."
"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"
The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.
"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"
The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.
"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."
The student looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out into laughter.
"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstratable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.
So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"
Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.
Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith."
"Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life," the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?"
Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."
To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absense of God. It is just like the darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absense of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."
The professor sat down.
A science professor begins his school year with a lecture to the students, "Let me explain the problem science has with religion." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.
"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
"Yes, sir," the student says.
"So you believe in God?"
"Absolutely."
"Is God good?"
"Sure! God's good."
"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"
"Yes."
"Are you good or evil?"
"The Bible says I'm evil."
The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?"
"Yes sir, I would."
"So you're good...!"
"I wouldn't say that."
"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't."
The student does not answer, so the professor continues. "He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmm? Can you answer that one?"
The student remains silent.
"No, you can't, can you?" the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.
"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"
"Er...yes," the student says.
"Is Satan good?"
The student doesn't hesitate on this one. "No."
"Then where does Satan come from?"
The student falters. "From God."
"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"
"Yes."
"So who created evil?" the professor continued. "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."
Again, the student has no answer. "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in the world?"
The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."
"So who created them?"
The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. "Who created them?" There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues to another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"
The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor, I do."
The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you seen Jesus?"
"No, sir. I've never seen him."
"Then tell us if you've never heard your Jesus?"
"No, sir, I have not."
"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelled your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?"
"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."
"Yet you still believe in him?"
"Yes."
"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstratable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?"
"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."
"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."
The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of his own. "Professor, is there such a thing as heat?"
"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."
"And is there such a thing as cold?"
"Yes, son, there's cold too."
"No, sir, there isn't."
The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold.' We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees.
Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 degrees Fahrenheit) is the total absense of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we used to describe the absense of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absense of it."
Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.
"What about darkness, professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?"
"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?"
"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absense of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word.
In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darness darker, wouldn't you?"
The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. "So what point are you making, young man?"
"Professor, my point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."
The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. "Flawed? Can you explain how?"
"You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought."
"It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of the life, just the absense of it.
Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"
"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."
"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"
The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.
"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"
The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.
"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."
The student looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out into laughter.
"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelled the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstratable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.
So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"
Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.
Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith."
"Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life," the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?"
Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."
To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absense of God. It is just like the darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absense of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."
The professor sat down.
So excited!!
Rod's coming up to Conn. to visit on Friday! He's flying in after school and staying for two nights and then flying back down south on Sunday, unless I decide to go back with him at that point, in which case he'll cancel his flight Sunday and he, Koko (who came with me) and I will drive back together in the Subie. I'm so excited to see him... I haven't seen him in a week, and by that time it will be two weeks, and I can't wait! We'll want to spend lots of quality alone time together, but if anyone wants to see him/us, let me know and we'll try to schedule something if we have time... otherwise, there's always Thanksgiving and the winter holidays coming up! (:
Friday, October 19, 2007
Guilford
This is where I would love to live...
Guilford, Connecticut.
It's where both of my parents grew up, their families lived their entire lives, my grandparents still live, and it's a beautiful, friendly, suburban town. My dad and mom and her three sisters all got married at the First Congregational Church on the town green. I almost want to get married there, but I haven't been to church in YEARS, so I don't know if that would be a good idea. Then I'd want the reception at Gran's house down the street, like I think they all did, too. People could just walk there! I would love that. Maybe I'll do that either way. Sometime in the summer time a couple of years from now, most likely. And then live there afterward. That would be great.
I don't think Rod really wants to work (in the PD) in Guilford because it's one of the safest, uneventful places in the country, and he'd have nothing to do except unlock people's car doors and scrape up road kill. I'd certainly love it if he worked there, though... nothing to worry about! But I'd never wish unhappiness or boredom for him. (:
It's just such an amazing town. Everyone knows and loves everyone else. I practically know the majority of the 22,000 residents already. Aside from living there, my dad's parents also had a cottage in Indian Cove for most of my life until a few years ago when they sold it. ): Guilford's not TOO expensive to live in, according to city-data.com, the median home costs $371,000 or something similar. The average household income is $84,000, which is about $42,000 per adult.
Spending a lot of my life going there and spending the last three days there helping out my grandmother, I've just remembered how much I adore Guilford. A few weeks ago, my grandma got scammed by some chimney workers, and since then, the whole town has been offering her assistance, advice and suggestions. The town building inspector has been over to visit her twice this week, and in the past couple of days people have been there gardening, mowing, cleaning, washing her windows, and just visiting. Gran knows all the committees and workers in the town by name, it's ridiculous. But I love it! I think it's great. There are no high-rise buildings, there are tons of trees, beautiful, old houses, and everyone is sophisticated but friendly and all seem to be outside, walking their dogs, riding their bikes and enjoying their lives.
Anyway, I will have to talk to Rod about living there. I've talked to him about it a bit already. He graduates from the Academy on February 28, four months from now, and although I want to move immediately after that, I know he wants to "give back" to Norfolk for putting all this work and money into training him and helping him become a police officer. But hopefully we can compromise and move as soon as possible. We can find a cheap place until we save up some money and can buy a house. I can work in a preschool and continue to take my classes onlnie.
I know this is upsetting to some of you we love who are still living in Virginia. However, we will still come visit a lot and you can come visit us WHENEVER, and we will keep in touch every day as long as you all reciprocate. Besides, it hasn't even been decided if/when this is officially happening. Just thinking... xo
Guilford, Connecticut.
It's where both of my parents grew up, their families lived their entire lives, my grandparents still live, and it's a beautiful, friendly, suburban town. My dad and mom and her three sisters all got married at the First Congregational Church on the town green. I almost want to get married there, but I haven't been to church in YEARS, so I don't know if that would be a good idea. Then I'd want the reception at Gran's house down the street, like I think they all did, too. People could just walk there! I would love that. Maybe I'll do that either way. Sometime in the summer time a couple of years from now, most likely. And then live there afterward. That would be great.
I don't think Rod really wants to work (in the PD) in Guilford because it's one of the safest, uneventful places in the country, and he'd have nothing to do except unlock people's car doors and scrape up road kill. I'd certainly love it if he worked there, though... nothing to worry about! But I'd never wish unhappiness or boredom for him. (:
It's just such an amazing town. Everyone knows and loves everyone else. I practically know the majority of the 22,000 residents already. Aside from living there, my dad's parents also had a cottage in Indian Cove for most of my life until a few years ago when they sold it. ): Guilford's not TOO expensive to live in, according to city-data.com, the median home costs $371,000 or something similar. The average household income is $84,000, which is about $42,000 per adult.
Spending a lot of my life going there and spending the last three days there helping out my grandmother, I've just remembered how much I adore Guilford. A few weeks ago, my grandma got scammed by some chimney workers, and since then, the whole town has been offering her assistance, advice and suggestions. The town building inspector has been over to visit her twice this week, and in the past couple of days people have been there gardening, mowing, cleaning, washing her windows, and just visiting. Gran knows all the committees and workers in the town by name, it's ridiculous. But I love it! I think it's great. There are no high-rise buildings, there are tons of trees, beautiful, old houses, and everyone is sophisticated but friendly and all seem to be outside, walking their dogs, riding their bikes and enjoying their lives.
Anyway, I will have to talk to Rod about living there. I've talked to him about it a bit already. He graduates from the Academy on February 28, four months from now, and although I want to move immediately after that, I know he wants to "give back" to Norfolk for putting all this work and money into training him and helping him become a police officer. But hopefully we can compromise and move as soon as possible. We can find a cheap place until we save up some money and can buy a house. I can work in a preschool and continue to take my classes onlnie.
I know this is upsetting to some of you we love who are still living in Virginia. However, we will still come visit a lot and you can come visit us WHENEVER, and we will keep in touch every day as long as you all reciprocate. Besides, it hasn't even been decided if/when this is officially happening. Just thinking... xo
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Update
Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm doing SO MUCH BETTER! Thanks to all of you - friends and family - who have cared and supported me, checked up on me and been helpful and there for me. I want you all to know how much I appreciate you and love you. Those who have been most helpful have been Rod and my parents, Stacey, Heidi, Ray, Mark, Candi and Nick, Gran, my godmother Renee, various family members and family friends.
During these times, as I've noticed and as my mom and therapist have pointed out... all of you have helped me realize who my true friends are. Whether people are nervous, don't understand the situation, or are busy, those of you who have looked past all of that and checked up on me and been available to me when I needed you have really showed me how much you truly care and how true of friends you are. I sure hope you know I would be there just as much for all of you. The ones I expected to understand the least surprised me and showed they wanted to learn and even a few who didn't, at least sent me their wishes often. All of this has meant a lot to me and helped me get through this hard time ten times faster than I normally would. I'm not "out of the woods" quite yet, but I have improved big, BIG time.
I'm back in Connecticut now with my parents for a little while (they had to go back to work sometime and I still need them a bit right now) and I'm going to be spending a lot of time with my Gran, helping her clean out drawers and things. I love her so much and we have such good times together, laughing and doing crossword puzzles. The woman is amazing to me with how much she's been through yet how much she still is able to do and does.
This weekend we're going to Martha's Vineyard for a night to get away, close the cottage for the winter, and my parents are taking me to the Black Dog (my favorite restaurant in the world) for dinner Friday night. Roddy will be flying up either this weekend or next to pick me up and we'll be driving home together! We're both pretty miserable missing each other, but it's been nice in Conn. with family and friends and have a change of scenery and work on getting better. I can't wait to move back up here - soon! Maybe March of '08. I'll miss everyone in Virginia but will be visiting all the time and getting you up here to visit whenever possible, too! (:
During these times, as I've noticed and as my mom and therapist have pointed out... all of you have helped me realize who my true friends are. Whether people are nervous, don't understand the situation, or are busy, those of you who have looked past all of that and checked up on me and been available to me when I needed you have really showed me how much you truly care and how true of friends you are. I sure hope you know I would be there just as much for all of you. The ones I expected to understand the least surprised me and showed they wanted to learn and even a few who didn't, at least sent me their wishes often. All of this has meant a lot to me and helped me get through this hard time ten times faster than I normally would. I'm not "out of the woods" quite yet, but I have improved big, BIG time.
I'm back in Connecticut now with my parents for a little while (they had to go back to work sometime and I still need them a bit right now) and I'm going to be spending a lot of time with my Gran, helping her clean out drawers and things. I love her so much and we have such good times together, laughing and doing crossword puzzles. The woman is amazing to me with how much she's been through yet how much she still is able to do and does.
This weekend we're going to Martha's Vineyard for a night to get away, close the cottage for the winter, and my parents are taking me to the Black Dog (my favorite restaurant in the world) for dinner Friday night. Roddy will be flying up either this weekend or next to pick me up and we'll be driving home together! We're both pretty miserable missing each other, but it's been nice in Conn. with family and friends and have a change of scenery and work on getting better. I can't wait to move back up here - soon! Maybe March of '08. I'll miss everyone in Virginia but will be visiting all the time and getting you up here to visit whenever possible, too! (:
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Partner's Guidelines
For those of you who are my friends/family and don't know what to do with me in my situation... here are the guidelines from my "Attacking Anxiety/Depression" (by Midwest Center for Anxiety and Stress) workbook.
Things you should do:
1. Praise often. For even the smallest successes. Your encouragement is extremely important. Praise the participant for even trying.
2. Encourage his/her independence. Let them "go it alone" whenever and wherever possible, but only if he/she is ready.
3. Compliment the participant for his/her progress as far as attitude is concerned. He/she is the last one to notice how they are changing for the positive. Be sure you point it out.
4. If he/she wants you to go along as they practice his/her avoiding situations - such as driving, shopping, etc. - go with them. But allow him/her some distance, all the while letting him/her know you are there to assist and support them.
5. If you are in a situation where the anxious partner begins to feel panicky and anxious, try to help him/her by reassuring them that it is just anxiety. Remind him/her that they are not drying, going crazy or having a heart attack. Reassure him/her that there is no reason to run. There is no safe place. Then distract him/her by showing things to them, using humor or talking about something that they are interested in. Let him/her know that they will be okay, but do not make a big deal out of the fear and panic.
6. Let your anxious partner have a big hand in the decision-making process - where you are going, how long you will stay and how you will get there and back. Let your partner feel like he/she is in control of the situation to some extent. He/she will be more comfortable and probably stay longer.
7. If your anxious partner feels discouraged or depressed about his/her progress, give them reassurance that they are doing well and that it takes time.
8. STAY POSITIVE.
Things you should NOT do:
1. Do not make fun of this condition. Never be sarcastic about it.
2. Do not monitor his/her progress by constantly asking how he/she is doing or saying, "Shouldn't you be doing this or that by now?" This will only make him/her feel like they are not living up to your expectations. It will make the participant very anxious.
3. Do not tell other people about his/her condition. If your partner wants someone to know about it, it is their right to tell them.
4. Do not baby him/her. Be supportive and compassionate.
5. Do not get angry over his/her fears and attacks. He/she really cannot help it when they feel this way. The longer you treat him/her badly or make them feel guilty, the longer it will last.
6. If he/she is having a panic attack while you are with him/her, do not suggest leaving, going home or to the hospital. This will only make them say they need to. Distract them as mentioned earlier.
7. Do not read his/her materials. This program is theirs alone - unless he/she wants to share it with you. Then, by all means, take interest.
8. Don't be too concerned if he/she seems to change into someone who seems a little angry or selfish at first. That will change. It's just that he/she realizes for the first time that he/she is allowed to be angry and selfish at times and people will still love him/her. He/she will find a happy medium. Praise your partner for being assertive.
Things you should do:
1. Praise often. For even the smallest successes. Your encouragement is extremely important. Praise the participant for even trying.
2. Encourage his/her independence. Let them "go it alone" whenever and wherever possible, but only if he/she is ready.
3. Compliment the participant for his/her progress as far as attitude is concerned. He/she is the last one to notice how they are changing for the positive. Be sure you point it out.
4. If he/she wants you to go along as they practice his/her avoiding situations - such as driving, shopping, etc. - go with them. But allow him/her some distance, all the while letting him/her know you are there to assist and support them.
5. If you are in a situation where the anxious partner begins to feel panicky and anxious, try to help him/her by reassuring them that it is just anxiety. Remind him/her that they are not drying, going crazy or having a heart attack. Reassure him/her that there is no reason to run. There is no safe place. Then distract him/her by showing things to them, using humor or talking about something that they are interested in. Let him/her know that they will be okay, but do not make a big deal out of the fear and panic.
6. Let your anxious partner have a big hand in the decision-making process - where you are going, how long you will stay and how you will get there and back. Let your partner feel like he/she is in control of the situation to some extent. He/she will be more comfortable and probably stay longer.
7. If your anxious partner feels discouraged or depressed about his/her progress, give them reassurance that they are doing well and that it takes time.
8. STAY POSITIVE.
Things you should NOT do:
1. Do not make fun of this condition. Never be sarcastic about it.
2. Do not monitor his/her progress by constantly asking how he/she is doing or saying, "Shouldn't you be doing this or that by now?" This will only make him/her feel like they are not living up to your expectations. It will make the participant very anxious.
3. Do not tell other people about his/her condition. If your partner wants someone to know about it, it is their right to tell them.
4. Do not baby him/her. Be supportive and compassionate.
5. Do not get angry over his/her fears and attacks. He/she really cannot help it when they feel this way. The longer you treat him/her badly or make them feel guilty, the longer it will last.
6. If he/she is having a panic attack while you are with him/her, do not suggest leaving, going home or to the hospital. This will only make them say they need to. Distract them as mentioned earlier.
7. Do not read his/her materials. This program is theirs alone - unless he/she wants to share it with you. Then, by all means, take interest.
8. Don't be too concerned if he/she seems to change into someone who seems a little angry or selfish at first. That will change. It's just that he/she realizes for the first time that he/she is allowed to be angry and selfish at times and people will still love him/her. He/she will find a happy medium. Praise your partner for being assertive.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Virginian
I am now, officially, a resident of Virginia. I have a Virginia license, Virginia registration, and am registered to vote here. Not only that, but I now officially own my vehicle, which I didn't before. My dad signed it over to me today.
They say that people in their late teens and early twenties are most susceptible to anxiety and depression, probably because this is when they are becoming independent and finding out who they are. This path has been extremely rocky for me, the break-away from depending on others, such as my parents and boyfriend, and becoming financially and emotionally independent.
My parents have been here for the last two and a half weeks, and while it may seem at times like they shelter and baby me, the real truth is I am so fortunate that they do. I greatly appreciate their care and concern, and their lucky ability to be able to be here at my side in a second when I am in need.
One positive aspect of this issue is that it has helped me to be more healthy. While it did cause me to stop eating altogether for a few days, now I am back to having an appetite, but it is smaller, healthier, and I have been walking at least a mile and a half every day, resulting in the loss of 10 lbs. in less than 3 weeks (or maybe that's not so healthy, but not terrible).
I guess I just have to take it slowly. My therapist (who is amazing, by the way) has been focusing a lot on the fact that I was adopted, and that even though it was when I was only a month old, I was still taken away from the only attachment I had all of a sudden immediately after birth and was moved around a few times in the first few weeks of my life. That lack of stability, even as an infant - especially as an infant - can psychologically affect a person and is common for adoptees, apparently.
I want to say thank you, not only to my parents and family/family friends (who have checked up on me every day), but to my loving boyfriend and understanding friends. I felt like a few have drifted away from me during this time. Whether you're scared or don't understand what's going on, I want to say that I really do wish you would have at least kept in touch and asked how I was doing or shown some consideration instead of running away. I still want to be friends and am not going to push you away back, but I do want to say to the friends I have learned are sincerely true, thank you so much. You have made this a lot easier and less painful, whether it seems like it or not.
They say that people in their late teens and early twenties are most susceptible to anxiety and depression, probably because this is when they are becoming independent and finding out who they are. This path has been extremely rocky for me, the break-away from depending on others, such as my parents and boyfriend, and becoming financially and emotionally independent.
My parents have been here for the last two and a half weeks, and while it may seem at times like they shelter and baby me, the real truth is I am so fortunate that they do. I greatly appreciate their care and concern, and their lucky ability to be able to be here at my side in a second when I am in need.
One positive aspect of this issue is that it has helped me to be more healthy. While it did cause me to stop eating altogether for a few days, now I am back to having an appetite, but it is smaller, healthier, and I have been walking at least a mile and a half every day, resulting in the loss of 10 lbs. in less than 3 weeks (or maybe that's not so healthy, but not terrible).
I guess I just have to take it slowly. My therapist (who is amazing, by the way) has been focusing a lot on the fact that I was adopted, and that even though it was when I was only a month old, I was still taken away from the only attachment I had all of a sudden immediately after birth and was moved around a few times in the first few weeks of my life. That lack of stability, even as an infant - especially as an infant - can psychologically affect a person and is common for adoptees, apparently.
I want to say thank you, not only to my parents and family/family friends (who have checked up on me every day), but to my loving boyfriend and understanding friends. I felt like a few have drifted away from me during this time. Whether you're scared or don't understand what's going on, I want to say that I really do wish you would have at least kept in touch and asked how I was doing or shown some consideration instead of running away. I still want to be friends and am not going to push you away back, but I do want to say to the friends I have learned are sincerely true, thank you so much. You have made this a lot easier and less painful, whether it seems like it or not.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Deployment Departure Anniversary
Yesterday was the one year anniversary of Rod leaving on deployment for eight months. Stacey and I were talking about it today and how it feels like it's been three years, rather than one. At the airport this morning when my mom left and my dad arrived to replace her in my state of complete dependence, we saw soldiers walking through the terminal toward their wives, children and families. It was very moving. A little girl ran up to her dad and he lifted her up and hugged her, and pointed out the necklace she was wearing and talked to her about where he got it from. His son, who was a little younger, sort of hid in a groove in the wall and watched him for a minute. He was much more timid than the little girl, who immediately wanted him to carry her on his back, to which he replied, "No, you're too big!" It was sweet, though.
I know I'm going through a rough time right now, but I should probably be thankful it's happening this year, as opposed to last year when Rod was leaving. I had no immediate connection or communication with him for eight months. Now, if I was to have an emergency, I could call him at the Academy and get ahold of him pretty quickly and easily. Not that I think I would need to do that. Anyway, just wanted to think back on last year and remember how much more difficult today was, then. (:
I know I'm going through a rough time right now, but I should probably be thankful it's happening this year, as opposed to last year when Rod was leaving. I had no immediate connection or communication with him for eight months. Now, if I was to have an emergency, I could call him at the Academy and get ahold of him pretty quickly and easily. Not that I think I would need to do that. Anyway, just wanted to think back on last year and remember how much more difficult today was, then. (:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)