Getting involved with the good just makes it that much more painful seeing the bad... I keep asking myself: all those years, why couldn't I make more of an impact? If I had done something differently, been harsher, been gentler, tried harder...would it have helped more? The answer - I'm sure - is no, and I know that deep down.
Got to keep reminding myself.... getting involved with the good will only make it that much harder to watch the bad. And getting too close will just pain me, because I know deep down that I cannot help no matter how much I've tried and want to continue trying.
How do I go about this in the adult way? How do I "end things" with someone I care so much about (no, of course not my husband, fyi)?
Why is it so hard for me to keep friends? Lately, it's been hard for me to even make friends, and that was never a problem for me in the past until a few years ago. It could easily be because of poor self esteem. Will they not like me because I'm overweight? Am I too dull because I don't drink and I like to just hang around and don't always want to get up every night and do something exciting?
I really have fun with my friends but I feel like those I've made in the last few years haven't been the best quality, whether they don't treat me well or don't treat others well or both. I have made one or two real true friends, and a few more I thought were true friends, and then a few I really knew were not the best people for me to get close with but I did anyway because I was comfortable with them. Does this make me a bad person? Did I do something wrong?
This is a venting post, I apologize if it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
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