Raising a teenager

It's tough. I'm only 24 and I'm raising an almost-18-year-old. He lives with his step-dad but Rod's his guardian. Unfortunately, neither Dan nor Rod want anything to do with disciplining. Dan's not sure how and just wants to remain on Daniel's good side and be buddies, and Rod feels as long as Daniel's not flunking out of school or doing drugs, nothing else matters.

He gets a speeding ticket... no punishment. He ignores his chores... no punishment. He stays up all hours playing video games and neglecting homework... no punishment. Somehow, because the high school's curriculum is what it is, he's able to do all of his schoolwork in study hall and in class and after school.

He is a terrific kid, so it's hard to be mad at him. He does all the right things, mostly. He plays sports, he gets good grades. He's applying to colleges (with my help). But certain things are just not okay.

I remember when I met him, he couldn't lie. He'd look you in the eyes and start smiling. Now, he's lying without flinching and making it so believable. I've caught him on a lot of these lies recently.

I know I should be thankful he's doing as well as he is. He's polite, he's kind, he has good friends (I think) and stays out of *big* trouble. But I want him to have more structure and discipline, and yet I'm not in much of a place to give him this because 1) I don't live with him and 2) I have no legal authority over him, only his brother does (although I'm his wife... how confusing is that logic?).

Tonight we're celebrating Dan's birthday, which Dan is completely and utterly depressed about. (He is a week younger than my mom, whose birthday we celebrated last week.) Dan doesn't like to celebrate his birthday because it reminds him that he hasn't accomplished all that he could have in his life so far; which is totally absurd as he has a loving family and is very talented in his career - see this post. I just got off the phone with him and he's not thrilled about going out tonight.

We're meeting at Rod's grandfather's house for gifts before going to a hibachi for dinner. I think he'll like his gifts. We got him a puzzle with pictures of Sharon and the family, and then some ceramic knives he'd mentioned he wanted.

Hopefully we can have fun tonight and urge him out of his funk.

Then I have to come home tonight and write an 8 page paper I haven't really started. :)